~This, too, Shall Pass~

I always find myself closer to God during difficult times. I first realized this during my senior year of college. Kneeling in a dark, musty confessional, I confessed to a priest that I was guilty of not being as close to God as I should have been. Hey...I was a Dean's List college senior carrying 21 hours & finishing up my student teaching, a Resident Advisor on a dormitory floor of 40 freshman girls, and working part-time. Yup...I wasn't praying as much as I could have been. The priest said something that set me on my heels: "The fact that you are worried that you're not as close to God as you should be, tells me you are MUCH closer to Him than you think." I've never forgotten that. He was totally spot-on.

As I travel through these difficult days with my Mom, I find I am leaning on Him for dear life. Is there any other choice? Faith is easy in good times. It's brutally hard in bad times. But those are the times I am the closest to God. He's the last thing I think of when I fall off to sleep, and the first thought I have before I open my eyes. I wake up many times throughout the nite, and pray that He is holding my Mom...and us....in the arms. She can't do this alone. Neither can we.

Mom is still in the hospital. Her delusions continue. She imagines she is at work. Everyone's left and she has no way home. She says someone's stolen her purse, and she has no money. This scene is played over and over. There are no phones, so to make calls, patients have to convince someone at the nurse's station to call for them. They try to control the frequency of these calls, and as you can imagine, they have many more important tasks to perform in the busy geriatric unit. But she convinces them to let her 'call her daughter' whenever she can. These phone calls are heart-wrenching. They asked me if I wanted them to stop the calls. I told them, "Absolutely not". Can you imagine how you would feel 'locked' in with no way to reach your loved ones?? And so, whenever the phone rings, I find myself praying that it's not Mom. Sad. Very sad.

The unit is locked. No one in or out without a code. No phones, tvs, no cords, strings, foods outside the dining room. You have to 'check' eveything in when you enter. They ignore the patients' questions. Many of them babble incessantly. It's like a white-walled prison. A giant padded 'cell'. Depressing for sure. We've all agreed that any of us would go crazy if we had to stay there as a patient.

But Mom's already in her own kind of 'prison'. There's a monster raging inside her that the doctors have yet been able to calm down. They've tried 3 medications so far. They haven't worked. She is still in this fantasy-hell. She begs to be taken 'home' every time we visit. Visiting hours are limited: 6-8:30 each evening. By 7:00, Mom is exhausted. Exhausted from the delusions. From the begging. From the monster. It's pointless to try to visit with her after that hour.

We did get a smile from her on Sunday: We brought her a Frostie!

And so....we continue on, fervantly praying that today is the day they will figure out how to help her calm the monster. It's been 7 days. Will they succeed? And what happens to this dear woman if they don't? Will she ever be able to go back to the assisted living facility she knows as 'home'? What if she can't?

At certain moments of the day or night....these questions become monumental, depressing unknowns. Eating is near impossible. And when I do....it comes right back up, so what's the sense? Praying is the only calm. The rock. God is here. I know He will make things okay. I just wish He'd hurry.

**Thank you all for your prayers, your comments, emails......for your support. We are so so grateful for them***

~Fingerprints Friday....A Father's Love~

There's a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Fingerprints", that goes:

"I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you're covered with the fingerprints of God."

There's one man on this earth that I know is covered from head-to-toe with God's fingerprints. This post is dedicated to him. He is my life's greatest gift. He's been my rock in good times, and bad. He has more integrity than anyone I know. He's a devout husband, and a loving, giving father. And I love him with all my heart and soul.

Faith is an easy thing to say you have in good times. It's tough when things are bad. But true faith shines when the road gets hard. I believe I have that faith. I KNOW he does.

I am here for you, Jim. I stand proudly beside you. I always will. No matter what. In good times, and in bad. That's love. And faith. Your goodness shines through everywhere you go. There's a saying that goes, "When God made you, He broke the mold". Fortunately, He didn't break it after He made you. He molded two beautiful sons who idolize you, and walk life like their father. I was lucky to be chosen as their mother. And blessed to be your wife. To travel through life by your side.

I love you all the way to heaven and back. Always. C. xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

(To all my Blog Friends: Please keep us in your prayers.)

Stop by Beki's blog to read about more of God's Fingerprints.

Have a blessed Friday, wherever you are in the world. Don't forget to look around. God's Fingerprints are everywhere.

~This Is Faith~

My son, Tom, sent me today's clip from ABC's Good Morning America show. Though many of you are aware that the daughter of Christian songwriter, Steven Curtis Chapman, died in May when her older brother accidentally hit her with his car, many of you may not be. I feel this is worth posting here. The remarkable faith that this family has, is a lesson to all of us. If you can have faith during the darkest hours of life....you have true faith.

The song, Cinderella, that he wrote for his daughter, reminds me so much of my grand-daughter, Ella, and the day Jim and I took her and Jackson to Squire's Castle. I've added it as the first song on my playlist.

The Youtube video is here: Cinderella.

Life is too short, and too fragile. May God continue to hold this family in the palms of His hands.

~Angels Among Us~

August 1, 2008. A brand new month with a clean slate. To borrow a phrase from my Catholic grade school catechism in describing a new soul: clean, pure and new. Now, the big question: What will I do with it? How do I keep it pure, yet productive. How can I spend hours in the studio, yet have time for others? Time to do the things I was put on this earth to do?

I once sat at a wholesale show in Atlanta, on a melancholy Sunday morning. I had sent my sweet DIL, Jackie, home early, as there was not much need for her to stay for the remaining two days. Business was bleak. They had put artisans from the “Hand-Made” section in with the mass-produced Taiwan booths. Not good. Many of us were in the same boat. We couldn’t compete with their prices, their volume, their turn-around time.

I had arrived early. I needed some direction; some guidance. So I sat, eyes closed, head bowed. And I prayed. "What do I do now, Lord?” Sensing that I was not alone, I looked up to see Surrender, a 6’5” eastern Indian man who was set up in the booth next to me. No worldy description of his regality could do him justice. He stood with his feet firmly planted on the ground, dark three-piece suit, starched white mandarin-collared shirt, full beard, turban…….handsome beyond the heavens. Hands clasped behind his back, looking down at me with a fondness you seldom see in strangers, he said, “Carol, God knows what you need, and He will give it to you”. And as quietly as he had appeared, he left.

There are a handful of times in life when another soul says something profound. For me, this was one of those times. I have carried those words with me for 15 years now. There aren’t too many days when I don’t think of them and that kind stranger I met for a brief moment.

So I begin this clean, pure month with some questions, some fears, and the knowledge that God knows what I need. I am listening with an open heart.

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Hebrews 13:2.

~How Can You Be 25 Already?~

Happy Birthday Tom!

Your Dad and I are so thankful that God chose us to be your parents. You were a ball of energy from the day you were born, never standing still for very long. Twenty-five years later, you’re still always moving!

You continue to develop the gifts God gave you, working diligently at a career you love. You are a happy, successful young man. I can’t wait to see how your life unfolds as you continue your journey! I pray I will be here for a long time……for as Dr. Seuss says, “Oh the places you’ll go”.

I’m so proud to call you, “My Son”.

I love you, Tom.

Mom

~Through The Years~

"Through the years, you've never let me down,

You turned my life around,

The sweetest days I've found I've found with you....

Through the years
I've never been afraid,

I've loved the life we've made

And I'm so glad I've stayed, right here with you
Through the years"

Thank you, sweet husband of mine, for 38 glorious years. Even through the hard times and the tears, we've laughed and been there to hold each other up. I wasn't always an angel....but you always loved me no matter what. I never thought any love could grow as much as ours has. Two beautiful sons, a dear daughter-in-law, and two grandbabies later, it has grown by leaps and bounds.

I thank God for you each and every day of my life, and only wish He could grant us 38 more years together on this earth. xoxoxoxox

"Through the years, through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had, I've always been so glad
To be with you ... through the years
It's better everyday, you've kissed my tears away
As long as it's okay, I'll stay with you
Through the years"

~New Creations~

~Back in the Studio~

I've been creating like crazy these days....trying to keep items on both sales sites, as well as setting stock aside for three upcoming fall shows. It was necessary to set my business aside 6 years ago, when both my parents became ill. Dad passed away 5 years ago, and Mom lived with us on-and-off from then on. As she began to require more and more assistance, taking care of her became impossible for us. Last year, we moved her into a beautiful assisted living facility. It ended up being a gift from God. She's happy, I'm happy, and it's time to resurrect my business. My body seems to be fighting me all the way, as my energy levels and bones are older! For 20+ years, I did between 20 and 30 art shows a year, in addition to wholesale shows around the country. It was a lot back then.....but right now....it seems daunting! How did I ever do it?? With two boys headed to college, the choice was clear. But now? Going into the retirement years?? I just don't know. Time will tell. My heart is willing. I get great joy out of creating. Working in my studio makes my heart sing. Can I do this again? Time will tell.

I