Thursday, May 9, 2013
My dear Mom has been in heaven a year now. Part of me feels like it was yesterday...and part of me feels like she's been gone for eeons. I miss her. All the time.
It's funny that I miss her so much because with the severity of her dementia she really was gone for years before she died. But I miss her. Especially when I'm not feeling well. I burst into tears for no apparent reason. I want my Mom. Now. Here.
I know that faith tells me she is in a better place. But I find myself looking heavenward and screaming at the top of my lungs, "MOM...PLEASE tell me you're okay. PLEASE. Send me a sign that you see how much you're missed. PLEASE".
I went to church and knelt in front of the Blessed Sacrament to pray for her soul. The tears streamed down my face. I couldn't think let alone pray. I know she was right there. Watching me.
So for now, I will miss her. I will remember how she loved the forget-me-nots. As little girls (and even now as adults) my sister and I love picking little bouquets of them. They always remind me of my Mom. I remember her standing at the kitchen sink in her apron, peeling carrots when we came home from school. I remember the clothes she made me when we didn't have much money. Beautiful clothes. I remember that when she went grocery-shopping there was enough money to buy 1 piece of fruit for each of us three children. I remember the sweet, juicy peaches. And how I just knew when I ate them that heaven must taste like that. Mom....I remember. I remember all the sacrifices you made for us. Sewing and altering clothes for other people so we'd have money for ballet lessons....piano lessons....for college. I remember what a good mother you were. I miss you so much.
I love you, Mom. To heaven and back. Until we meet again~
Posted by Carol Buehner at 3:21 PM