Thursday, May 9, 2013

~Forget-Me-Nots To Heaven and Back~

My dear Mom has been in heaven a year now. Part of me feels like it was yesterday...and part of me feels like she's been gone for eeons. I miss her. All the time.

It's funny that I miss her so much because with the severity of her dementia she really was gone for years before she died. But I miss her. Especially when I'm not feeling well. I burst into tears for no apparent reason. I want my Mom. Now. Here.

I know that faith tells me she is in a better place. But I find myself looking heavenward and screaming at the top of my lungs, "MOM...PLEASE tell me you're okay. PLEASE. Send me a sign that you see how much you're missed. PLEASE".

I went to church and knelt in front of the Blessed Sacrament to pray for her soul. The tears streamed down my face. I couldn't think let alone pray. I know she was right there. Watching me. 

So for now, I will miss her. I will remember how she loved the forget-me-nots. As little girls (and even now as adults) my sister and I love picking little bouquets of them. They always remind me of my Mom. I remember her standing at the kitchen sink in her apron, peeling carrots when we came home from school. I remember the clothes she made me when we didn't have much money. Beautiful clothes. I remember that when she went grocery-shopping there was enough money to buy 1 piece of fruit for each of us three children. I remember the sweet, juicy peaches. And how I just knew when I ate them that heaven must taste like that. Mom....I remember. I remember all the sacrifices you made for us. Sewing and altering clothes for other people so we'd have money for ballet lessons....piano lessons....for college. I remember what a good mother you were. I miss you so much.

I love you, Mom. To heaven and back. Until we meet again~




Sam Perdue said...

You always express yourself so beautifully. As one month passes, your words brought tears to my eyes and all the mixed emotions that follow such a great loss. Thank you for being such a dear friend. Sam

Ashley said...

*HUGS* Thinking about you! :)