Tuesday, June 19, 2012

~Healing From the Inside Out~

It's such a funny thing, this healing process. I truly believed it would be easy. After all...isn't Mom where she belongs? I hope so. But the problem is that I've known exactly where she was every minute of every day for the past 10 years. And now....although my faithful heart is telling me that I DO know where she is now, like Thomas, I wanted signs.

Six years ago, when Mom was still here in our home with us, I had her promise me she'd send me a 'sign' after she passed away. She was puzzled as to what kind of 'sign' this should be. "Something that means something to the two of us, Mom. You'll think of something. But don't send it in the middle of the night and scare me, okay?" And as only my mother could she said, "Well....if I'm allowed"!!! AND....she did send me a sign. The same sign. Three days in-a-row.....the three days following her funeral...and all three ONLY when my sister and I were talking on the phone.

But....as several of my friends said to me: I'm tough. I wanted more. So I began talking and pleading with my brother and father, both of whom had passed away 10 years ago. And, I received a sign from each of them.

So...my healing should begin, right? Wrong. I have this unsettled feeling in my stomach. A hole in my heart. A void that I don't like. One that I know can never be filled again here on earth. So I meditate. And I pray. And I read the ever-growing stack of books to try and understand why I feel this hole. So for now, the best I can do is to just 'Believe'.

Blessings to you all this beautiful summer day in June~

Carol and Rosie

Monday, June 4, 2012

~Monday Blessings: Home Is Best~

We returned Saturday from the island. Our time there was one of our best. I slept the first 3 days there, exhausted from the last weeks with Mom, and the funeral. After that, we sat by the sea, eating many meals there talking and just staring at the ocean. Biking with Rosie tucked into my basket......shopping at Shelter Cove, Coligny and Harbor Town......missing the kids and grandbabies!  Our dear BIL and SIL drove up from FL for a two-day visit. We always have such fun with them: endless talking, eating and laughing.....wiping tears.....memories.

We bought a new frig for the villa....new tv's, new rugs.....new outdoor furniture. It felt good to be busy....and wonderful to stare at the sea remembering Mom and all the memories we have of her down there with us....as well as at home. I still burst into tears at the oddest times...but Jim (and Rosie) are offering their hugs...and letting me have my own 'space' and time alone when needed. I love them both for that.

Although I think this time I could have stayed there forever....it was comforting to walk through the door of 'Home', to all our surrounding comforts....and the many mementos of where we've been on this journey through life. The gardens are overflowing with blossoms....the roses lush and beautiful....the daylilies ready to explode with orange and yellow. Home, after all, is best~

So, today.....we're back in the studio catching up on orders before Katie arrives to help on Wednesday. This new 'schedule' without seeing Mom is very strange. Odd, really. Not very comforting, although I hope the new-found freedom will eventually bring smiles instead of tears. I know it will just take time.

If any of you have not found Elizabeth Foss's blog, In the Heart Of My Home, you're missing out on some wonderful writing. I've been following Elizabeth for quite some time, and didn't even realize that her sweet husband had purchased one of my necklaces for her for Mother's Day! I am a permanent sponsor of hers, as I think her writings as a young mother are invaluable. I began saying some of her Daily Prayers a while ago....and find that they, along with her list of Decalogues for Daily Living start my day on just the right note. Take a peak. You can find them on the sidebar at the right of her blog!

My Monday Blessings today include all my friends and family who are continually checking up on me to see how I'm doing now without Mom. I love each and every one of you. You know who you are~xoxoxoxoxox