I HATE ALZHEIMER’S! Yes. I’m screaming. I HATE it and all it brings with it. HATE it. It’s a never-ending black abyss. A hole. One that leaves a void in your heart. And in a loved-one's brain.
The phone rang last nite at 6 pm. Mom’s number on the caller ID. Oh no. I had just seen her. She seldom calls. OH NO.
“Hello, Carol? I’m so glad you’re home. You know, I’m feeling so guilty. I haven’t spoken to Mom in a while, and I can’t find her number. Do you have it?”.
I gently remind her that her Mom, my Nona, passed away 32 years ago. When I was pregnant with Jeff.
I reassure her that I’m not kidding. I would never do that. And I reassure her that she’s just very very tired. And that she just loves her Mother and wishes she was still here.
I wish my Mom was still here. The mom who taught me to ride a bike, how to sew, how to drive a car. The one who sewed til very late into the nite doing alterations so I could have piano lessons. The one who made all my clothes because there wasn't much money.The one who sent the three of us to college because she wanted the best for us. The mom who held my babies and cried. That one. I want her back.
For now, I will take the Mom she is now. The 'Imposter Mom'. The 'Child Mom'. The one I now have to 'mother'.
And I cry.
Please pray that they figure out what causes this dreadful abyss that is taking away people’s minds and making them into strangers to themselves and to those who love them.