~Healing From the Inside Out~

It's such a funny thing, this healing process. I truly believed it would be easy. After all...isn't Mom where she belongs? I hope so. But the problem is that I've known exactly where she was every minute of every day for the past 10 years. And now....although my faithful heart is telling me that I DO know where she is now, like Thomas, I wanted signs.

Six years ago, when Mom was still here in our home with us, I had her promise me she'd send me a 'sign' after she passed away. She was puzzled as to what kind of 'sign' this should be. "Something that means something to the two of us, Mom. You'll think of something. But don't send it in the middle of the night and scare me, okay?" And as only my mother could she said, "Well....if I'm allowed"!!! AND....she did send me a sign. The same sign. Three days in-a-row.....the three days following her funeral...and all three ONLY when my sister and I were talking on the phone.

But....as several of my friends said to me: I'm tough. I wanted more. So I began talking and pleading with my brother and father, both of whom had passed away 10 years ago. And, I received a sign from each of them.

So...my healing should begin, right? Wrong. I have this unsettled feeling in my stomach. A hole in my heart. A void that I don't like. One that I know can never be filled again here on earth. So I meditate. And I pray. And I read the ever-growing stack of books to try and understand why I feel this hole. So for now, the best I can do is to just 'Believe'.

Blessings to you all this beautiful summer day in June~

Carol and Rosie

~Monday Blessings: Home Is Best~

We returned Saturday from the island. Our time there was one of our best. I slept the first 3 days there, exhausted from the last weeks with Mom, and the funeral. After that, we sat by the sea, eating many meals there talking and just staring at the ocean. Biking with Rosie tucked into my basket......shopping at Shelter Cove, Coligny and Harbor Town......missing the kids and grandbabies!  Our dear BIL and SIL drove up from FL for a two-day visit. We always have such fun with them: endless talking, eating and laughing.....wiping tears.....memories.

We bought a new frig for the villa....new tv's, new rugs.....new outdoor furniture. It felt good to be busy....and wonderful to stare at the sea remembering Mom and all the memories we have of her down there with us....as well as at home. I still burst into tears at the oddest times...but Jim (and Rosie) are offering their hugs...and letting me have my own 'space' and time alone when needed. I love them both for that.

Although I think this time I could have stayed there forever....it was comforting to walk through the door of 'Home', to all our surrounding comforts....and the many mementos of where we've been on this journey through life. The gardens are overflowing with blossoms....the roses lush and beautiful....the daylilies ready to explode with orange and yellow. Home, after all, is best~

So, today.....we're back in the studio catching up on orders before Katie arrives to help on Wednesday. This new 'schedule' without seeing Mom is very strange. Odd, really. Not very comforting, although I hope the new-found freedom will eventually bring smiles instead of tears. I know it will just take time.

If any of you have not found Elizabeth Foss's blog, In the Heart Of My Home, you're missing out on some wonderful writing. I've been following Elizabeth for quite some time, and didn't even realize that her sweet husband had purchased one of my necklaces for her for Mother's Day! I am a permanent sponsor of hers, as I think her writings as a young mother are invaluable. I began saying some of her Daily Prayers a while ago....and find that they, along with her list of Decalogues for Daily Living start my day on just the right note. Take a peak. You can find them on the sidebar at the right of her blog!

My Monday Blessings today include all my friends and family who are continually checking up on me to see how I'm doing now without Mom. I love each and every one of you. You know who you are~xoxoxoxoxox

God's in His Heaven....we're on the island........all's right with the world~

Hugs from Rosie, Jim and me, to you....wherever you are in the world. Thank you for all the sweet emails, cards, flowers and good thoughts xoxoxoxoxox

~Kisses and Pink Roses: A Send-Off~

Family and friends gathered on Mother's Day to say their final good-byes to a beautiful lady. She had a send-off she'd have been so proud of.

I thought I was ready for this. I had been praying for a very long time that God take her home....away from the misery she was suffering. But I was not. The last few days have been very teary ones. I've driven in my car screaming at the the top of my lungs, demanding that Mom tell me that she is okay. Pleading to my dad and brother, Dan, that they let me know that she arrived safely, and is with them. So far.....only a deafening silence from the heavens. But I will be patient and wait.

We got in the car the morning of the funeral....and I told Jim to wait, as I'd forgotten something: my cell phone. "What if Governor's Village calls?" I said. He just looked at me with sad eyes. Oh yes....she's no longer there.

The weeks ahead will be hard ones. My days consisted of working mornings in the studio til 11:00, then jumping in the car to go feed mom. Though those visits interrupted my busy workdays, I already miss them.

My Uncle Joe, mom's 'baby' brother (he's 83) has called me everyday around 9:00 for the past 5 1/2 years to talk about who would be visiting mom that day. He assured me that those calls will not stop. And they haven't. I love my Uncle Joe with all my heart and soul. He's been my 'rock' with mom both while she was in the nursing home, and here with us. I love you, Uncle Joe....but you already know that!

So, Mom, I hope you saw your beautiful send-off. Saw your children's, grandchildren and little great-grandchldren's tears as well as smiles as they remembered life here on earth with you, and talking about all the happy good times with a mother, sister, aunt, MIL, SIL, grandmother,  great-grandmother who taught us all the true meaning of family love.

To Heaven and Back Mom! Kisses and Pink Roses~

Love,

Carol

~One Last Cup of Coffee~

 Mom passed away peacefully Wednesday morning. I missed her actual passing by about 6 minutes. I know God meant it to be that way. And although I had been praying very hard for God to take her home and end her suffering, there is a sadness of loss I feel that I didn’t expect.

Today was the first day of my life without my mom. She was with me from the moment of my birth,  every day of my life. Until today.  It’s a feeling of loss like none I have ever felt before. A huge void.

The one thing I CAN say is that I am very happy for her. She is no longer in pain. No longer suffering from the humiliation of having others care for her every need. No longer enduring ‘pureed’ foods and wearing diapers. No longer unable to talk and let others know her needs. No longer unable to walk.

And as much as I will miss her dearly, I have a peace and a calmness in knowing that I have no regrets when it comes to my mom. I did whatever I could for the woman who carried me for 9 months, changed my diapers, fed and clothed me. As the rolls reversed over theses past years, I came to realize what real love for my mother, and vice-versa is: it’s unconditional. It’s putting aside your own feelings for the other person. And my mother taught me exactly how to do that only too well.

I will miss her smiles. Her hugs. Her touch. I will miss just being there with her.

I was lucky enough to be able to spend time alone at my mother’s bedside after she died. One of the sweet aides brought in a fresh pot of coffee….and I poured a cup, and shared a last cup with my mother. Very bittersweet. It will have to last me until we share a cup of coffee again....in heaven~

~Journey Home~

My dear mother has begun her journey home to our Lord. Hospice is here. Please understand that I will return your convos and emails as I can.  Orders are either on their way, or being worked on by the girls. Anything ordered this week will not ship until next week. Thank you for understanding. Please say some prayers that she arrives in heaven quickly and painlessly~

xoxoxoxoxo

~May Blessings~

I can't believe it's May already! April was a whirlwind in AND out of the studio. Lots of commotion at RoseCreekCottage Studios: we've added more help to keep up with all the Mother's Day orders. You still have time to place your order. Use coupon code MD12 on our website (doesn't work on Etsy) and get free first class shipping in the continental USA.

We celebrated Emilia's 2nd birthday this past weekend. It's hard to believe this little ball of girly-energy is already two years old. She's just precious. Loves her babydolls, strawberries, and shoes. What can I say? She's truly a girl after her Grandma's heart!!

I had my dear friend Karen for coffee. It's always so good to catch up with an old friend. So many memories~

Another friend, fellow doll-artist, Sam, spent the afternoon last Wednesday. Talk about memories of doll-making, shows, business talk and just plain comraderie! I realize that I need to find more time to spend with people who mean a lot to me....even during the busy times!

This month brings our Ella's First Holy Communion, Mother's Day, a 92nd birthday for my mom, another trip to our place in Hilton Head....and lots of new designs for our shop.

That being said...Rosie and I have been in the studio since 5 am, and I've had several cups of coffee. Jim has left for the office....and Jeff, who stayed after the birthday celebration to work on their rental property while Jackie took the kids home....is snoring peacefully in bed. You know....they're never too old to make you feel happy when they're home!

Have a beautiful May Day wherever you are in this world! 

Carol and Rosie~