~One Last Cup of Coffee~

 Mom passed away peacefully Wednesday morning. I missed her actual passing by about 6 minutes. I know God meant it to be that way. And although I had been praying very hard for God to take her home and end her suffering, there is a sadness of loss I feel that I didn’t expect.

Today was the first day of my life without my mom. She was with me from the moment of my birth,  every day of my life. Until today.  It’s a feeling of loss like none I have ever felt before. A huge void.

The one thing I CAN say is that I am very happy for her. She is no longer in pain. No longer suffering from the humiliation of having others care for her every need. No longer enduring ‘pureed’ foods and wearing diapers. No longer unable to talk and let others know her needs. No longer unable to walk.

And as much as I will miss her dearly, I have a peace and a calmness in knowing that I have no regrets when it comes to my mom. I did whatever I could for the woman who carried me for 9 months, changed my diapers, fed and clothed me. As the rolls reversed over theses past years, I came to realize what real love for my mother, and vice-versa is: it’s unconditional. It’s putting aside your own feelings for the other person. And my mother taught me exactly how to do that only too well.

I will miss her smiles. Her hugs. Her touch. I will miss just being there with her.

I was lucky enough to be able to spend time alone at my mother’s bedside after she died. One of the sweet aides brought in a fresh pot of coffee….and I poured a cup, and shared a last cup with my mother. Very bittersweet. It will have to last me until we share a cup of coffee again....in heaven~