~One Last Cup of Coffee~

 Mom passed away peacefully Wednesday morning. I missed her actual passing by about 6 minutes. I know God meant it to be that way. And although I had been praying very hard for God to take her home and end her suffering, there is a sadness of loss I feel that I didn’t expect.

Today was the first day of my life without my mom. She was with me from the moment of my birth,  every day of my life. Until today.  It’s a feeling of loss like none I have ever felt before. A huge void.

The one thing I CAN say is that I am very happy for her. She is no longer in pain. No longer suffering from the humiliation of having others care for her every need. No longer enduring ‘pureed’ foods and wearing diapers. No longer unable to talk and let others know her needs. No longer unable to walk.

And as much as I will miss her dearly, I have a peace and a calmness in knowing that I have no regrets when it comes to my mom. I did whatever I could for the woman who carried me for 9 months, changed my diapers, fed and clothed me. As the rolls reversed over theses past years, I came to realize what real love for my mother, and vice-versa is: it’s unconditional. It’s putting aside your own feelings for the other person. And my mother taught me exactly how to do that only too well.

I will miss her smiles. Her hugs. Her touch. I will miss just being there with her.

I was lucky enough to be able to spend time alone at my mother’s bedside after she died. One of the sweet aides brought in a fresh pot of coffee….and I poured a cup, and shared a last cup with my mother. Very bittersweet. It will have to last me until we share a cup of coffee again....in heaven~

~Just Fawnie and Me~

It was quite an adjustment when Jim went back to work on Monday. It was no longer, "Me and the Puppies"....but "Just Fawnie and Me". sigh.

He spent several days looking EVERYWHERE for Coconut: behind file cabinets, under the sofa, and in all Coconut's favorite hiding places. It broke my heart. If it's possible for a pup to be depressed...Fawnie is. He has sad-looking eyes and lays in his bed with his moosh over the side like he's mourning. I guess that's exactly what he's doing.

I took him with me to see my mom at the nursing home on Monday....but Tuesday when I ran to the grocery store....he let out long, high-pitched wails when he saw that I wasn't taking him with me. He's never been 'left' without Coconut, and was used to snuggling with him until we returned.

Finally, today....it looks like he's stopped looking for his brother. He follows me everywhere. In the past, that was Coconut's self-designated 'job'. Fawnie was content to stay put in his little bed in the family room, while Coconut never left me out of his sight!

We are snowed-in here in Ohio. We've had 37" of snow here in the SnowBelt, and are expecting more tonite and tomorrow. It's been a wonderful week of re-organizing and designing new creations in between making pots of soup, chili and home-made desserts. Jim's been enjoying the delicious aromas that greet him each nite after traveling through the 'tundra' from work.

On tonite's agenda: a roaring fire, chili, salad, corn muffins, freshly-baked apple pie....and of course, cuddling with Fawnie on the sofa watching movies. So....wherever you are in the world.....Cuddle-up and stay warm~