I thought I was ready for this. I had been praying for a very long time that God take her home....away from the misery she was suffering. But I was not. The last few days have been very teary ones. I've driven in my car screaming at the the top of my lungs, demanding that Mom tell me that she is okay. Pleading to my dad and brother, Dan, that they let me know that she arrived safely, and is with them. So far.....only a deafening silence from the heavens. But I will be patient and wait.
We got in the car the morning of the funeral....and I told Jim to wait, as I'd forgotten something: my cell phone. "What if Governor's Village calls?" I said. He just looked at me with sad eyes. Oh yes....she's no longer there.
The weeks ahead will be hard ones. My days consisted of working mornings in the studio til 11:00, then jumping in the car to go feed mom. Though those visits interrupted my busy workdays, I already miss them.
My Uncle Joe, mom's 'baby' brother (he's 83) has called me everyday around 9:00 for the past 5 1/2 years to talk about who would be visiting mom that day. He assured me that those calls will not stop. And they haven't. I love my Uncle Joe with all my heart and soul. He's been my 'rock' with mom both while she was in the nursing home, and here with us. I love you, Uncle Joe....but you already know that!
So, Mom, I hope you saw your beautiful send-off. Saw your children's, grandchildren and little great-grandchldren's tears as well as smiles as they remembered life here on earth with you, and talking about all the happy good times with a mother, sister, aunt, MIL, SIL, grandmother, great-grandmother who taught us all the true meaning of family love.
To Heaven and Back Mom! Kisses and Pink Roses~
Love,
Carol
5 comments:
Carol, so very sorry for the pain you're feeling. Be patient, the day will come when you'll feel you're mother's words saying that all is ok. Praying for you as you work through your grief.
Oh, I know. So happy for them that they are in such a wonderful, loving, peaceful, place, but so sad for us that are left behind. It is just so hard.
And even though I always knew my dad was finally happy and and peace I just NEEDED SOME SIGN. I did finally get that sign a few weeks ago in a dream. But it took almost two and a half years for my dad to visit me.
However, there were smaller signs too. Little things I saw here and there. Feelings I got. I will never discount those.
Your mom is with you. You will feel her. Be patient. It will come.
Praying for your peace and comfort and strength.
Hugs and prayers sent your way, my friend.
I love the pink roses... Just like our bouquet! She is so busy catching up, carol... It won't be long. Love you.. Nel.
Dear Carol, Oh how I remember those feelings and even how they can still come up today. I remember preparing myself as Daddy declined and knowing Daddy would go and even telling him it was okay to let go as his breathing struggled. But then when the breathing came no more I felt the panic that wanted just one more breath, one more look, one more hug. And even though I had been to military funerals before, oh how the sound of those guns made me jump and grip in the core of my being.
I say all of this Carol, because I know there is nothing I can do to make the pain go away for you. And really I know you wouldn't want it gone. Even the pain is a right to treasure along with all your wonderful memories.
I say all this because I just want to join arms with the many that you have around you and in blog land and say that you are loved and understood. You and your family are being prayed for. God bless you with His peace that transcends and comforts, holds and heals.
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