It's such a funny thing, this healing process. I truly believed it would be easy. After all...isn't Mom where she belongs? I hope so. But the problem is that I've known exactly where she was every minute of every day for the past 10 years. And now....although my faithful heart is telling me that I DO know where she is now, like Thomas, I wanted signs.
Six years ago, when Mom was still here in our home with us, I had her promise me she'd send me a 'sign' after she passed away. She was puzzled as to what kind of 'sign' this should be. "Something that means something to the two of us, Mom. You'll think of something. But don't send it in the middle of the night and scare me, okay?" And as only my mother could she said, "Well....if I'm allowed"!!! AND....she did send me a sign. The same sign. Three days in-a-row.....the three days following her funeral...and all three ONLY when my sister and I were talking on the phone.
But....as several of my friends said to me: I'm tough. I wanted more. So I began talking and pleading with my brother and father, both of whom had passed away 10 years ago. And, I received a sign from each of them.
So...my healing should begin, right? Wrong. I have this unsettled feeling in my stomach. A hole in my heart. A void that I don't like. One that I know can never be filled again here on earth. So I meditate. And I pray. And I read the ever-growing stack of books to try and understand why I feel this hole. So for now, the best I can do is to just 'Believe'.
Blessings to you all this beautiful summer day in June~