Monday, December 7, 2009

Dear Mom......





Thanksgiving has come and gone. You couldn't join us this year. You said it was "too hard". We missed you. I know this is all so hard for you. It breaks my heart. You can't walk anymore. Your legs are too weak to hold you up. But your brain doesn't remember that, so you keep trying. And keep falling.

The kids were here all weekend. I'm so glad they all came to see you. Ella's eyes light up when she sees you. You got to see Jackie's pregnant belly....and looked at Amy's sparkly engagement ring again. I know it was all overwhelming for you, but I'm happy we were all there with you. I will remember it for a long time.

You have no short-term memory now. Only very long-term. And only sometimes. I am so thankful you still know who I am. And I believe you know Ella and Jackson, too. At least I think you do.

My shows are finally done for the year.
I'll have lots more time to visit now. Remember how you used to help me with them, Mom? Remember that cold Ohio Mart that we wore long-underwear and mittens it was so bitter out? Long-ago memories.

Hospice has come in to help now, Mom. I know you don't understand exactly what is happening. I'm not sure I do, either. I just know that they are angels. All of them. They give you lots of extra attention; bought you a new, padded wheelchair, and a new, lower-to-the-ground hospital bed. They brought special padding to put next to it so that when you fall, it's not as hard.

I know you can't understand any of this. It's just not fair.

Just know that you have a family who loves you dearly, Mom. And we are here for you. Always.

With Love,

Carol

Related posts: Black Abyss
My Mother's Smile

19 comments:

Gifted Designs said...

*hugs*

There's nothing else to say.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, Carol...it is so very hard...my heart breaks for you...Now that I know, I'll pray for your mom, you and your entire family. Wish there were more I could do...Sending you much, much love...Janine XO

Anonymous said...

Carol,
When words fail, the love still shines through your posts about your Mom. You are a shining example of what it means to care unselfishly for others. Know that you are an inspiration to your true friends.
Love,
Kathi

Darlene said...

Oh Carol a tear just rolled down my face as your story brings back memories of my dear Grandmother. I know it is sooooo hard and I am praying that you find comfort in the time you still get to spend with your dear Mom.♥

Mel said...

I love you...

Anonymous said...

I love you.
Judie

Kat said...

This all sounds like deja vu to me. I know this so well. And I'm so sorry that you are all going through this. It is so hard. Always know that your mom is still there even when it seems as though she is not. Her spirit will hear your words though her mind may not.
Prayers for your mom, you, and your whole family.

Ballerina Girl said...

such a beautiful way to put it into words Carol....
my heart goes out to your and your family...mine went through it about 8 years ago with my Grandma.

BG

Anonymous said...

As I wipe away a tear - one that remembers venturing down the same sad path with my dear mother... I send you hugs. You are a gem and an inspiration. <3

Crystal Jigsaw said...

What beautiful photographs. I'm sure a part of your mum does understand what is happening, her heart will always be so full of love for your all.

CJ xx

Hilary said...

Carol, I'm so sorry your family has to endure this hardship. It's a cruel disease. I'm certain that like Kat said, there is a part of your Mother that still hears, knows and understands all.

Sending best thoughts to you and yours. Hugs to you.

shoemaker813 said...

Dearest Carol - I just came across your blog and my heart just broke after reading your last entry. How well I remember the feelings that are flooding your heart and mind right now. My husband and I lost his mother - a dear, sweet, strong, Christian woman in September to breast cancer. Hospice was a true blessing to her as well as to us. They are all angels. We never could have cared for her the way we did if it wasn't for them. Know that God is there for you all. Relax into His arms and He will carry you through the days ahead and will provide the strength you need. My love goes out to you and I will keep you all in my prayers. Laurie

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Hello, dearest Carol...I just want you to know that you and your mom are in my prayers...wishing you a very, Merry Christmas!!! Love, Janine XO

Leslie Gidden said...

Hello! As a hospice nurse myself, I just wanted to write and say that YOU are an angel too! This post is great....wish I could share it with the families I see everyday with loved ones that have end stage alzheimers and dementia. Keep your head up, you are doing a great job, I know it! Take care and thanks again for sharing this!

Warmly,
Leslie

Anonymous said...

From your mouth to God's ears - and your mom's. I'm absolutely sure your mom recognizes your unselfishness and love - it must be such a comfort to her. YOU, my friend, are such a wonderful example to learn from.
Love,
Marci

Cynthia L. H. said...

Hugs and prayers.

LeeAnn@Encouragement Is Contagious said...

Wow Carol! You and your family are going through some painful heart moments with your momma on Hospice now. My heart does go out to you. This was such a beautiful and special post dedicated to your mother.

15 years ago, and 3 days after Christmas, I lost my mother to breast cancer. In her last days she was on Hospice too, and we were so grateful to them for all that they did for her.

May this Christmas be a very special memory making time for you all.

Lee Ann

Juls~ said...

Hi Carol!

Beautiful open *Letter to Mom*. I loved it! She looks beautiful considering her trials right now! And you can see the sparkle in her eye for all the company and fun she is having there! I am so glad that you have help and that she is receiving good care.

{xoxo}

Juls~

Amy. said...

A wonderful blog post. So heartfelt!
Amy